Ayn Rand (Phyllis Cerf)
Ayn Rand 101
A Glance at the Free Market Coursework Sponsored by BB&T
By Bruce McCall
05/07/2008
| 11 Comments
John Allison, CEO of the banking giant BB&T, calls Ayn Rand's novel "Atlas Shrugged," "the best defense of capitalism ever written." He says that Rand changed his life, and he's working to ensure that the deceased author isn't left out of the nation's college curricula.
Since 2005, the BB&T Charitable Foundation has given 25 colleges and universities several million dollars to start programs devoted to the study of Rand's books and economic philosophy. In January, the company announced it was donating $1 million to Marshall University in West Virginia. The money would establish a course dedicated to Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" and Adam Smith's The Wealth of Nations, and help create the BB&T Center for the Advancement of American Capitalism on campus.
--Clark Davis, NPR "Morning Edition"
AYN RAND SYLLABUS
I: Course overview: Introduction to reality in metaphysics, reason in epistemology, rational egoism in ethics.
Assignment: If professor cannot satisfactorily explain this to your liking, punch him/her in the face. If he/she appeals to reason, punch him/her again.
II: “Jail the Tax Man”:
Assignment: Describe the triumph of free enterprise and laissez-faire capitalism in America’s 19th-century “Golden Age” of child labor, union-busting, monopolies, debtors’ prisons. Tell why Upton Sinclair was a quiche head.
-- Pretending you are the attorney general of the United States in 1885, write a 50-page attack on coal miners that blames Black Lung on their sniveling and moral slackness.
-- Show in a separate paper why Howard Roark would never contract Black Lung.
III: “Throw the Bawling Baby Off the Cliff”:
Joys of viewing man as a heroic being with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, where reason alone dictates values and actions and rational self-interest and happiness of the individual always comes first. Discuss.
-- Assignment: Dramatize in a one-act play involving a dying mother and her only son’s need to sell her apartment for money to finance his vacation in Cancun.
IV: “Forget It -- There’s Just Food Enough For Me.”
The stupidity of sacrifice.
V: “Jackbooted Gov’t Goons Be Gone!”
Specify why postal service, public sanitation and environmental controls weaken the moral fabric of a nation.
-- Assignment: Write an essay depicting a social paradise where the government consists only of cops and an army.
VI: “Shut Down the Orphanage”:
Explain in 5,000 words why charity sucks. Give examples.
-- Field assignment: Hand out exploding cigars to the homeless in your neighborhood.
VII: “Why Ayn Rand Would Come Back as a Cat”:
Review the virtues of selfishness, willfully ignoring needs of others,
it's-about-me attitude.
Be sure to belittle craven, dependent, altruistic behavior of dogs.
VIII: "The Fountainhead"
How many pages can you read at one sitting and still stay awake?
-- Write 50 adjectives that describe Howard Roark. Include sexual prowess.
-- Write a l0,000 word novel featuring Howard Roark as not an architect
but a) South American dictator, b) Head of Homeland Security, c) Mafia don.
X: "Atlas Shrugged"
Industrialists are America’s heroes. List 100 ways that industrialists
beat Mother Theresa, Madame Curie and Helen Keller in every major economic sector.
-- Compose a Nobel Prize speech for a strip-mining corporation that
caused a giant mudslide fatal to three West Virginia towns. Mention the
presidential pardon.
Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of "All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall" and "Zany Afternoons."
CATEGORIES IN THIS STORY:
© 2007 The Washington Independent
Comments:
Posted 05/08/2008 10:25am with
This satirical portrayal of Ayn Rand is Ayn Rand as leftists would have her be—someone easily dismissed—rather than Ayn Rand as she actually is—someone whose ideas they are unable to deal with honestly.
Posted 05/08/2008 10:58am with
Aryan Rand Corporation.
Posted 05/08/2008 11:50am with
How does this differ from what Ayn Rand advocated?
Posted 05/09/2008 10:13am with
When I see writers of this ilk write a competent review of A.R.’s “Introduction to Objectivist Epistemology”, her book that finally solved the ancient, centuries-old problem of universals in philosophy, then, only then, will I believe any of the luridly distorted guff this writer prints above.
Anybody willing to bet between these two, whose writings will remain in print longer, and will do more good for mankind and society?
Posted 05/09/2008 06:12pm with
gilmanc asks how this differs from Ayn Rand:
I encourage you, as well as the author of this trash, to read what Rand actually wrote. You can also check out www.aynrand.org
I started writing a description of all the glaring errors in this piece, but quickly realized that it would require an entire book to cover even half of his mistakes. Suffice it to say, that Rand would not have agreed with ANY of the ideas presented here. Again, check out her works for yourself and make up your own mind.
Posted 05/10/2008 10:50am with
I assume that Bruce McCall’s off-target parody is aimed at people who have heard of Ayn Rand but not read her ideas first hand. Those who genuinely want to know the difference between what is ascribed to her and what she actually thought could start by consulting www.aynrandlexicon.com on, say, “sacrifice”, “charity” or “taxation”.
I also recommend reading The Fountainhead and her other great novels. Compare Bruce McCall’s world to Ayn Rand’s and see which one actually promotes human happiness.
Posted 05/10/2008 10:25pm with
I have read Ayn Rand directly. This author is not far off the mark.
Posted 05/10/2008 11:32pm with
The great danger in the exchange of ideas (and I am referring specifically here to philosophical ideas) is to accept an idea based on someone else’s assessment, especially without any evidence that that person knows what he is talking about. And even if you have reason to believe that the person does have good knowledge of an idea (and that he may have made a correct assessment), you will not know it until you have read the source material yourself. Now, you cannot always go directly to the source, simply because of limited time or limited access, but it is the best way for you to really judge another person’s ideas. And, in the case of Rand, there is very little excuse not to taking the time to read her because her works are readily available in book stores and libraries across the country, not to mention online sources. If I conclude with a personal example, many years ago I went to a number of lectures on Marx, but none of his ideas appealed to me, so I could have easily have dismissed him, especially after the fall of the Soviet Union. There was certainly enough evidence of his errors available at the time. However, I did take the time to read Marx and now I know, clearly, why I do not like his ideas. The lectures were not accurate, based on my first hand judgment. If you can, always go to the source and decide for yourself. If you really want to know, go to the source and don’t rely on anyone’s judgment but your own.
Posted 05/12/2008 02:43pm with
I can say definitively, that the “humorist” who wrote this syllabus is completely, totally off the mark and has so totally mis-represented Ayn Rand’s views that it is not even humorous. Humor is supposed to “ring true” not miss the mark.
I agree with rjajr about the value of reading the source material and deciding for yourself. With a thinker as profound as Rand, there are many who hope that their snide, unfounded criticisms will encourage you not to read Ayn Rand and that would be a loss for you that can’t be calculated.
Posted 05/15/2008 06:38pm with
I’m not sure whats worse, having to read Rand drivel or listen to cultist republicans prattle about her. Thanks Bruce, I enjoyed your satire and enjoyed the Randians discomfit. Not surprising most found this unamusing, it requires a sense of humor.
Posted 05/16/2008 07:14pm with
Ana Rand?
Social Darwinist whore.